The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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