She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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