Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
