and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
