I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
