ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
