Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
