he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
