So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
