Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
