Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
