he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
