i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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