9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
