can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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