Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
