my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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