UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
