He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
