it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
