Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
