I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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