I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
