I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
