What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
