my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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