Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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