You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
