Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
