I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
