hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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