this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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