Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
