Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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