So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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