Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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