And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Watching her eat just hurts me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
