dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
