those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
