There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
