Pappa wants mamma naked
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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