how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
