His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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