Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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