Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
