my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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