If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
