He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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