I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
