My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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