i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
