Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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