My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
