dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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