my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
