OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
