Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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